Still Sad, But Oh So Blessed

This weekend has been the most painful of my life. While it's hard, if not nearly impossible, to see it right now, I know that God has a plan for me. He will use this situation to prepare me for something better down the road. I have been so blessed to be reminded of this by so many of you. Blessed to know that I am surrounded with family and friends who care deeply about me and are praying for me. It's going to take a while, but I know things will get better. And it's because God is holding me in his arms, and because all of you are holding me in your prayers and thoughts. I can't thank you enough.

This is a poem that a dear friend sent to me. I found it to be very truthful, though I still have "a while" to go.

"After a While"

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

It's a Sad, Sad Day

Well, I've neglected my blog for a while, and I wish I had happy news to blog about. But that is not the case.

As of yesterday, I am no longer engaged. Mike called off the wedding and our relationship is done.

So now, as I try to keep up with life, I ask for your prayers. Prayers for strength and prayers for guidance.

What A Start To The New Year

Happy New Year...just a couple days late!! I hope this finds you all well.

New Year's Eve was a lot of fun. Mike and I hung out with a bunch of my friends from high school. We spent the night playing all sorts of different games and just spending time together. It was so good to see most of my friends again. Driving home was super scary though. The fog was insanely intense. I was glad Mike was driving and we were in his truck...that made me feel much safer.

New Year's Day we spent just hanging out as a family. We watched the Rose Parade off and on, which is always a good time. We went over to my papa and nana's house for the traditional lunch meal of pigs-in-the-blanket...sooooo good. Then we headed home to watch USC kick butt in the Rose Bowl. GO TROJANS!!!!!!

I also spent the day reading New Moon...the second book in the Twilight saga...and I finished it too. I started Ecilpse this morning at work. I'm hoping...rather ambitiously...that I can get this book and the next one done before Monday. I need to get done as soon as possible so I can focus on student teaching, which I start on Monday.

Today hasn't been the greatest. Yesterday, mid-morning, I noticed that the left side of my throat was pretty sore. I knew right away it wouldn't end up well. When I got home from work, I checked it, and sure enough, my sore was back. In the last 7 months, I have now had this sore 4 times. My throat and glands get swollen, and I get a really nasty looking sore in the back left side of my throat. So, after work and a coffee meeting with my first cooperating teacher, my mom and I headed to urgent care to see what we could find out. After waiting for 2 hours, I finally got brought back to see a doctor. I had a fever of 100.3...bleck. Then the doctor came in and asked what was up and checked my heart..."deep breaths, now"...then he looked at my throat...this is what he said, "That looks terrible!!" He decided I needed to be tested for strep and mono...which I've been tested for the last two times I've had this stupid sore. They did the tests and both came back negative. But he decided to give me a shot of penicillin to try to combat whatever it is. So...after a total of three hours in urgent care, they swabbed my throat, pricked my finger, and stabbed my butt....and we still don't know exactly what this stupid thing is. He said that it is probably something to do with my tonsils...so the next time it comes back, I should head to an E.N.T. (Ear, Nose, & Throat Dr.), and that they may decide to take my tonsils out...YAY for me. So now I'm at home with a sore butt and feeling a little loopy and tired after taking some medicine for the pain. What a day!

I'm soooo looking forward to starting my student teaching experience on Monday. I just have a really good feeling about it. I'll keep you all posted on how it goes. For now, I think I'm gonna give in to the drug induced sleepiness.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Life at Home

I've been neglecting my blog for a little too long. For that, I apologize.

To fill you in on what's been happening, I am now at home. And what an adventure that turned out to be. I ended up being stuck overnight in the Omaha Airport the night I was supposed to fly home because of freezing rain. Luckily I had a friend with whom to pass away the long hours. I finally got home Friday morning, around 10:45, and headed straight to my chiropractor (a night on a concrete floor doesn't do my back much good). From there, we headed home to drop off my luggage (which I had to pay for twice...grrrr) and then off to the oral surgeon to have all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed. Welcome home Tammy!!! I really can't complain though. I healed very quickly, and was off of the pain meds after only a day and a half (and I didn't turn into a swollen chipmunk).

Since then, I've worked a couple days, and served my jury duty without having to report :D

We had our family Christmas party this past Monday, which is always a ton of fun. Josh and grandpa entertained again this year with their tradition of giving each other wacky, maybe inappropriate, and very funny gifts. I got to see little Cooper, who isn't so little as I had remembered. I can't believe he's almost a year already!! And Carson and Brianna are growing like mad as well. I'm so glad that I get to be home to watch them grow and to spend time with them.

Christmas Eve brought 3 services for me...yes, 3. I'm used to 5, so it was a little strange, but it was nice at the same time.

Christmas day was really good. We opened presents in the morning, and then just spent the day hanging out as a family. It was really relaxing. Then my mom, brother and I headed to my fiance's house to spend some time and have Christmas dinner with them.

I finally finished unpacking and putting my clothes away yesterday. I can only handle complete chaos in my room for so long. Oh...and I finished reading Twilight...at 2:20 this morning. I was reading in my bed, getting ready to settle in for the night, and then the book took a very exciting turn (April, I know you know which part I'm talking about) and there was NO WAY I could put it down until I was done. I tried to pretend like it wasn't that great when I started the book, but I will admit, I am totally hooked!!!

And with that, I must leave you. I'll fill you in again soon.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Going Home

The semester is nearly done...one final today, and then a couple assignments due tomorrow. I cannot believe this semester went by so quickly. And now I'm almost done with being graded...'cause you don't get grades as a student teacher...you just have to do the work.

It is so weird to think that it has been 3 1/2 years since I started here. Time really does fly right by.

I have so much to do so that I can leave tomorrow. I haven't even started packing my suitcases yet...though I did do my laundry :) I have four boxes of books packed to send home and there are still more books :|

Right now, I'm trying to focus on getting my work finished...and PRAYING that I will be able to fly out tomorrow night (there is snow and ice predicted for Omaha tomorrow) And I'm praying that my surgery goes well Friday morning. I really don't have any time for complications, so let's all pray that everything goes smoothly and recovery is quick.

And now, I must study some more for my final, which is in 2 hours.

LOVELOVELOVE

One Awesome Evening

Last night was great. Eric made some amazing chicken noodle soup from scratch (with homemade egg noodles) and Mary made some delicious chili and biscuits for dinner. Maria and Tyler came over to join us. What a fun time hanging out with friends and talking about life...lots of laughs.

Then I headed downstairs and got my paper written. Hallelujah for being done with that. Now I can focus on my Working with Parents homework for the rest of the week.

After completing my paper, I headed back upstairs for a break. As the snow gently fell to the ground, Mary and Eric imparted some wonderful wisdom and advice. We talked about how I'm feeling, with a big transition, moving home, quickly approaching, and another transition, getting married, coming up in a few months. It is so beneficial to me to get little nuggets of wisdom from people who mean so much to me.

I just want to say thank you to Mary and Eric for everything you have done for me these last couple years. I have so appreciated being able to live with you and be a part of your family these last few months. I always knew I could call you if I needed anything, and that has been such a blessing for me. I love you guys!!!!!

LOVELOVELOVE

Still Here

I am still here...promise!!

I've been away from the internet since last week Tuesday, as I was in Minnesota with my uncle and aunt and cousins (and grandparents...as a complete surprise to my cousins) for the Thanksgiving holiday. We had a great time, though it was a bit sad as this was the last of my 4 years in a row celebrating with them. Since I'm graduating and moving back home, I will be able to spend Thanksgiving with my family at home next year. So, we made the most of our time together this year. I spent hours making jewelery with Amanda, playing the wii with Kenny, quoting The Princess Bride with Uncle Jim, and enjoying good conversation with Aunt Kristi.

I just got back to Orange City last night at 9...just in time for Brothers & Sisters...and then it was homework, sleeping, work, class, work again, class again, cleaning, homework, dinner, some more homework, etc, etc.

And now I'm blogging to please a certain cousin of mine, and to put off homework for just a bit.

I'm down to two weeks of classes and then finals, and then I'm heading home!! I am soooooo ready to back home...even though unpleasantness awaits me. The day after I get home, I'm having all 4 wisdom teeth taken out, and then I have jury duty Christmas week. But I am absolutely definitely looking forward to being back home.

I should probably get back to my homework now. I hope this satisfies some of need of information/updates for some of you. This week is gonna be quite crazy...so I can't promise much else will go up this week, but I will do better keeping everyone updated.

LOVELOVELOVE