Still Sad, But Oh So Blessed

This weekend has been the most painful of my life. While it's hard, if not nearly impossible, to see it right now, I know that God has a plan for me. He will use this situation to prepare me for something better down the road. I have been so blessed to be reminded of this by so many of you. Blessed to know that I am surrounded with family and friends who care deeply about me and are praying for me. It's going to take a while, but I know things will get better. And it's because God is holding me in his arms, and because all of you are holding me in your prayers and thoughts. I can't thank you enough.

This is a poem that a dear friend sent to me. I found it to be very truthful, though I still have "a while" to go.

"After a While"

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

It's a Sad, Sad Day

Well, I've neglected my blog for a while, and I wish I had happy news to blog about. But that is not the case.

As of yesterday, I am no longer engaged. Mike called off the wedding and our relationship is done.

So now, as I try to keep up with life, I ask for your prayers. Prayers for strength and prayers for guidance.

What A Start To The New Year

Happy New Year...just a couple days late!! I hope this finds you all well.

New Year's Eve was a lot of fun. Mike and I hung out with a bunch of my friends from high school. We spent the night playing all sorts of different games and just spending time together. It was so good to see most of my friends again. Driving home was super scary though. The fog was insanely intense. I was glad Mike was driving and we were in his truck...that made me feel much safer.

New Year's Day we spent just hanging out as a family. We watched the Rose Parade off and on, which is always a good time. We went over to my papa and nana's house for the traditional lunch meal of pigs-in-the-blanket...sooooo good. Then we headed home to watch USC kick butt in the Rose Bowl. GO TROJANS!!!!!!

I also spent the day reading New Moon...the second book in the Twilight saga...and I finished it too. I started Ecilpse this morning at work. I'm hoping...rather ambitiously...that I can get this book and the next one done before Monday. I need to get done as soon as possible so I can focus on student teaching, which I start on Monday.

Today hasn't been the greatest. Yesterday, mid-morning, I noticed that the left side of my throat was pretty sore. I knew right away it wouldn't end up well. When I got home from work, I checked it, and sure enough, my sore was back. In the last 7 months, I have now had this sore 4 times. My throat and glands get swollen, and I get a really nasty looking sore in the back left side of my throat. So, after work and a coffee meeting with my first cooperating teacher, my mom and I headed to urgent care to see what we could find out. After waiting for 2 hours, I finally got brought back to see a doctor. I had a fever of 100.3...bleck. Then the doctor came in and asked what was up and checked my heart..."deep breaths, now"...then he looked at my throat...this is what he said, "That looks terrible!!" He decided I needed to be tested for strep and mono...which I've been tested for the last two times I've had this stupid sore. They did the tests and both came back negative. But he decided to give me a shot of penicillin to try to combat whatever it is. So...after a total of three hours in urgent care, they swabbed my throat, pricked my finger, and stabbed my butt....and we still don't know exactly what this stupid thing is. He said that it is probably something to do with my tonsils...so the next time it comes back, I should head to an E.N.T. (Ear, Nose, & Throat Dr.), and that they may decide to take my tonsils out...YAY for me. So now I'm at home with a sore butt and feeling a little loopy and tired after taking some medicine for the pain. What a day!

I'm soooo looking forward to starting my student teaching experience on Monday. I just have a really good feeling about it. I'll keep you all posted on how it goes. For now, I think I'm gonna give in to the drug induced sleepiness.

LOVE LOVE LOVE